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Once there was a blonde, a redhead, and a brunette stuck on a desert island miles away from land. After weeks of being stuck on the island the redhead stood up and said, "I've had enough! I'm going to try and swim back home!" and so she took off into the water. She made it about 1/3 of the way there when she got too tired and ended up drowning. The redhead got so far before she drowned that the brunette and the blonde couldn't see her. They assumed she had made it.
The brunette thought that if the redhead could make it then so could she. The brunette also took off into the water. She made it about 1/2 of the way there before she too drowned.
The blonde thought that if her two friends could make it then so could she. The blonde took off into the water. She was maybe 20 or 30 feet away from home when she decided that she was too tired to go on so she swam back to the desert island.
Once there were 3 girls that wanted to marry the same man. There was a blonde, a brunette, and a redhead. The man said that whoever would go up with him in his helicopter, jump out and land safely on the ground WITHOUT a parachute he would marry.
The redhead jumped out first and died instantly on contact with the ground.
The brunette jumped out and she also died instantly on contact with the ground.
Then the blonde jumped out and floated gently to the ground. The man landed his helicopter and walked over to his bride-to-be. "How did you do that?" he asked.
The blonde smiled and simply said, "Maxi has wings!"
Once there were 3 friends, a blonde, a brunette, and a redhead. They came across a lamp. They rubbed the sides of the lamp and a genie appeared. "I am the genie in the lamp. Since there are 3 of you, you each get one wish."
The redhead grinned and said, "I want to go first! I wish to be a thousand times smarter!"
The genie nodded his head, "Your wish is my command." There was a poof of smoke and when it cleared the redhead rushed off to become a brain surgeon.
The brunette grinned and said, "Me next! I wish I was a million times smarter!"
The genie nodded his head and said, "Your wish is my command." There was a poof of smoke and when it cleared the brunette rushed off to find a cure for cancer.
Then the blonde smiled, "I wish to be a million times dumber!"
The genie quirked an eyebrow, "Are you sure?"
The blonde nodded her head yes.
The genie nodded his head and said, "Your wish is my command." There was a poof of smoke and when it cleared there was a man.
Once there was a blonde and a brunette. They took the blonde's car to the mall. 5 hours later (after they were finished shopping) they came out of the mall. The blonde looked for her keys but realized that she had left them in the car! "What are we going to do?" squealed the brunette as it started to rain.
The blonde replied saying, "I don't know but we better think of something fast! I left the sunroof open and the car's going to get wet!
Once there was a blonde who went to the hairdresser to get a haircut. She had a pair of headphones on conected to a walkman. The blonde told the hairdresser, "Whatever you do, do NOT take these headphones off!" the hairdresser nodded and sat the blonde down.
About halfway through the blonde's haircut the hairdresser accidentally knocked the headphones off with a brush. The blonde fell to the ground. The hairdresser picked the headphones up and put them on. She heard, "Breathe in, breathe out. Breathe in, breathe out."
Other Jokes
There was a baby who LOVED his apple juice. One day there wasn't any apple juice left upstairs in the kitchen. He went up to his big brother and asked him to go downstairs and get him some apple juice. His big brother said, "Sure," and went downstairs.
He heard someone saying, "I am the ghost with the one black eye!" The baby's big brother got scared and ran upstairs.
The baby then went up to his mother and asked if she would go downstairs and get him some apple juice. His mother said, "Sure sweety!" and went downstairs to get him some apple juice.
She heard someone saying, "I am the ghost with the one black eye!" she got scared and ran upstairs.
The baby sighed, his father was at work and his older sister was at the mall. He said, "Sometimes you just gotta do things yourself!" so he went downstairs to get his apple juice.
He heard someone saying, "I am the ghost with the one black eye!"
The baby yelled out, "You'll be the ghost with the TWO black eyes if you don't give me my apple juice!"
Once there were 3 guys walking by a river. Suddenly a genie appeared and said, "I shall grant 1 wish to whoever crosses this river alive." The 3 guys looked down at the river and saw that it was infested by crocodiles.
The first guy said, "Why not?" and jumped into the river. Unfortunately for him he wasn't a very fast swimmer so the crocodiles caught up with him.
The second guy said, "I'm a lot faster than him, I'll try!" so he also jumped into the river. He might have been faster than the first guy, but he wasn't fast enough. The crocodiles caught up with him also.
The third guy said, "No way am I stupid enough to try!" but someone pushed him into the river. He swam like amd to the other side and when he got out the genie appeared by him and said, "You have crossed the river, I shall now grant you any one wish that you desire."
The man was furious and yelled, "I WANNA KNOW WHO PUSHED ME INTO THAT RIVER!!!"
Once there was a man who owned a parrot. All day the parrot sang different songs and said to the owner, "Polly want a cracker!" The man was annoyed and hoped that the parrot wouldn't be so annoying the next day. But the parrot was just as annoying the next day if not more. The parrot continued to be his annoying self for the entire week. His owner got so annoyed with him that he flushed him down the toilet.
"Finally, some peace and quiet!" the man sighed as he climbled into bed.
The next day the man heard, "Floating down the river on a big brown log!"
Once there were 3 guys on a desert island. Suddenly they were captured by a group of cannibals. The cannibals took the 3 guys back to their village. The leader came up to them and told them, "We are going to kill you but we will let you each have one dying wish."
The first guy says, "I wish that you won't kill me."
The leader says, "You cannot make that wish. Choose a different one."
So the first guy thinks that if he wishes for a roast pig they won't be able to find one so he says, "I wish for a fine meal with a roast pig."
The cannibals nod and rush off. A few hours later they bring upon him a beautiful feast with a roast pig. The man sighs and enjoys his last meal. The cannibals then killed the man, ate his insides and stretched out his skin over a wood frame to make a canoe.
The second guy had been thinking about his wish, they had been able to find a roast pig, but would they be able to find fine rare wine? So he says, "I wish for a roast pig with a bottle of fine, rare wine." The cannibals nod and rush off. A few hours later they appear before him with a roast pig and a bottle of fine rare wine. The man is shocked but enjoys his last meal. When he is finished the cannibals kill him, eat his insides and stretch his skin over a wooden frame to make a canoe.
Then the third guy says very seriously to the leader, "I wish to have a fork."
The leader looks at him funny, "A fork? What would you want a fork for?"
The third guy says, "Just get me a fork!!!"
The leader shrugs and minutes later brings him a fork. The guy takes the fork and starts stabbing himself yelling, "Ain't gonna make no canoe outta me!"
Once there was a lady who was buying a house. The realtor told her to name the house. An image of a butt kept popping into her mind so she named her house Big Hairy Bum. The lady found a cat named Crack. One day Crack went missing. The lady phoned the police and said, "Officer! I looked all over my Big Hairy Bum but I can't find my Crack!"
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